Lizzie's Real World Adventure
by Dan T
Summary: Lizzie suddenly finds herself in a world in which she's a fictional character... and is mistaken for the superstar celebrity who played her. [Complete]
1. Mall of Two Worlds

**DISCLAIMER**: I don't own _Lizzie McGuire_ or any related characters or concepts. She's owned by the same guys that own _Mickey Mouse_, but she's a lot prettier.

With her junior year at high school about to begin, Lizzie was at the mall with Miranda and Gordo doing some last-minute back-to-school shopping. Sometimes Kate accompanied the threesome, now that she was no longer an enemy (even though Miranda _still_ didn't quite trust her entirely), but most of the time she still hung out with her own friends, leaving the traditional Three Amigos to themselves.

Lizzie and Miranda were looking through a rack of skirts, trying to find ones in their size, while Gordo stood around looking slightly bored. Just then, Lizzie happened to look away from the rack she was in front of, and spotted some really cool-looking pants in a display down the aisle a bit. So she told her friends she'd be back in a minute, and headed across the store to look at them.

Focused on the clothing she was seeking, she didn't notice a really odd shimmering in the air right in front of her, and she walked right into it. There was a sudden **ZAP!!!!!**, and Lizzie felt like she'd just been hit by lightning. Her whole body was tingling, and her hair stood on end. "Talk about bad hair days," thought Lizzie. In a minute the tingling had stopped and she felt more normal again, but she had a vague, unsettling feeling that something had somehow changed. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but the store sort of looked different from how it had been just a minute earlier. The aisles and display racks were arranged differently, and the merchandise on them wasn't quite the same. In particular, the pants she had had her eyes on had been replaced by a men's suit jacket. "This _can't_ be good," thought Lizzie.

"Hey, Miranda, Gordo… did you see what just happened?" yelled Lizzie. "Miranda? Gordo? Guys? Where are you?" She looked around in all directions, and saw no sign of them. "Now this is getting _really_ weird," she thought.

As she walked around trying to find Miranda and Gordo, Lizzie was approached by a girl who looked around 13 years old. Lizzie didn't think she knew this girl, but the girl acted like she recognized Lizzie. "Hilary!", said the girl, "I'm your biggest fan!"

"Whoa…", thought Lizzie; "Just who is that Hilary person, and why does this girl think I'm her?"

"Excuse me?", replied Lizzie. "Who, exactly, do you think I am?"

"You're Hilary Duff, of course! I've got all of your CDs, and went to all your movies! Can you please sign your autograph for me?"

"You seem to be mistaking me for somebody else," replied Lizzie, and she quickly started walking away. The girl followed, but Lizzie ducked into a changing room and slammed the door behind her. She needed some time alone to think. Outside, the girl thought, "Well, maybe the tabloids _are_ right, and Hilary is starting to get nasty."

In the dressing room, Lizzie thought furiously. "OK… we've got another mystery on our hands. I'm good at mysteries… move over, Nancy Drew! So, it seems there's _another_ celebrity who looks just like me. Like Isabella wasn't enough. I've _got_ to have a talk with Mom and Dad… was I really one of identical triplets separated at birth, or perhaps was part of a cloning experiment? But it doesn't make sense… surely, this Hilary Duff person can't be _that_ big a celebrity, or I'd have heard of her by now. Maybe she's some obscure alternative type, and I just had the 'luck' to run into her one obsessed fan? Though, Gordo would probably know about any of those avant-garde actors or musicians. Anyway, I hope that crazy girl has gone away by now, because I've _got_ to get out of here and try to find Miranda and Gordo. Or, wait… I've got my cell phone, I can try calling them!"

She picked Gordo on her speed-dial, and got a recording: "BEEP BOOP BOMP... The number you have reached has been disconnected or is no longer in service."

Then, she tried Miranda, which got this answer: "Pete's Pizza… can I take your order?" "Umm… I think I have a wrong number… or, is Miranda there? Is this one of her friends or relatives playing a practical joke?" "I don't know what you're talking about," said the voice on the phone. "Are you ordering a pizza, or not?" "No, sorry," replied Lizzie. "Suit yourself… hey, has anybody ever told you you sound just like Hilary Duff?"

She hung up, and thought some more; "Wow, if I thought things were getting weird before, now I'm totally in the _Twilight Zone_. What happened to Gordo and Miranda, and **who the heck is Hilary Duff**? Oh, I'd better check the mirror… I _am_ still Lizzie, right? I sure hope I'm not Matt again… though I don't know why anybody would call _him_ 'Hilary'. OK… I seem to still be myself, even if everybody else doesn't seem to think so… time to go back out there."

She opened the door, hoping that she didn't have a stalker waiting. But she wasn't prepared for what she found: word about her had gotten out through the mall, and there was a sizeable crowd of young people gathered around the changing room waiting for her to emerge. "There she is!", shouted somebody. "Hey, Hilary!", yelled a whole bunch of them, as they surged forward towards Lizzie.

"OK… calm down… I can deal with this...", thought Lizzie, "I had crowds of 'admirers' when I was a model, and when I was dating Frankie Muniz, and when I was in Italy being mistaken for Isabella. I got through all that, and I can get through this. But how???"

Just then, a teenage boy emerged from the crowd and yelled at Lizzie, "You suck!!! Why don't you stop singing and acting so that somebody with some _talent_ can have a chance!" A girl immediately responded, "Shut up! Hilary rules!" Soon, other people joined in, and a brawl was beginning: "Hilary is the greatest!" "Hilary is a phony!" "Get a life!" "I have one, why don't you?" Everybody became so engrossed in this battle that Lizzie was able to slip away unnoticed and leave the store, entering the center court of the mall.

Like the store she had been in, the mall seemed to be changed from the way Lizzie remembered it. Some of the stores had different names, and the whole layout seemed a little different. Lizzie didn't remember the food court being over in _that_ direction, as it certainly seemed to be now. She wandered the mall in a daze, not sure where to go or what to do. Soon, another strange girl came up to her. "Hilary! I didn't believe the rumor that you were here, but I'm so glad I found you! _Lizzie McGuire_ is my all-time favorite show!"

"Ummm… could things _get_ any stranger?", Lizzie thought. "Did that girl just mention 'Lizzie McGuire' – that's still my name, last I heard – but she called me 'Hilary', and said something about a show? Do I have a show and not even know about it? Is Matt selling more of my videos to the TV people?"

"Umm, Hilary, did you hear me? You seem to be spacing out or something," said the girl. "Hi, my name is Kendra, and I'm your biggest fan."

"I thought that other girl back by the dressing room was my, or Hilary's, biggest fan?", thought Lizzie. But she decided it would be best to be nice to _this_ girl, in the hopes of getting some useful information. "Hi, Kendra. I don't know who Hilary is, but I'm Lizzie."

"Of course you are," said Kendra. "I see… you're in character now. But I didn't think you played Lizzie any more. Are you returning to the role, because I'd _love_ to see a new _Lizzie_ series. So, do you and Gordo get together, as more than friends, if you know what I mean?"

"Uh, what goes on between me and Gordo is our own business… do I even know you? How do you know Gordo?"

"I feel I know you well, after watching you for years!", replied Kendra.

"Oh, great, I've apparently got a stalker…", thought Lizzie. "Can this day get any worse?"

TO BE CONTINUED… _if I can actually figure out an ending to this darn thing.._


	2. Hey, Your Show is Coming On!

**DISCLAIMER**: I don't own _Lizzie McGuire_ or any related characters or concepts. I don't own Microsoft, either, but if I did I'd make sure their software didn't suck.

"All right," thought Lizzie. "Here I am in a strangely-changed mall, and my friends are missing, and I'm being mistaken for some celebrity named Hilary who seems to star in a show that's all about me, but which I somehow have never heard of before; and now I'm talking to some girl who's been watching me for years. A stalker? No, if I'm on TV, then there must be lots of people who have been watching me… how come I've never found that channel myself? Am I like that guy in _The Truman Show_ who found out that his whole life was a TV show?"

"Are you all right, Hilary? You seem to be spacing out again," said Kendra.

"Please call me Lizzie."

"OK, Lizzie," said Kendra, humoring her. "Are you all right, _Lizzie_?"

"No, I'm _not_ all right! Everything's all weirded out, and I don't have a clue what's going on! Maybe you can help. First, can you please explain who this Hilary person is?"

"Why, _everybody_ knows about Hilary! You're… I mean _she's_… a big star on TV, movies, and music. Everybody loves her… well, except for the haters… she did a song about them. She's in all of the teen magazines every month."

"I'd like to see some of those magazines," said Lizzie.

"Let's go look now… there's a book store over there, and I'm sure it's got some of them."

They went into the store, and Kendra pointed Lizzie to issues of _Tiger Beat_, _16_, _Teen People_, and others, all with Hilary on the cover. Lizzie read the articles and looked at the pinup pictures.

"Very odd… I subscribe to some of those magazines myself, and didn't see any of those articles when I read them before! Well, she _does_ look just like me, but the way she _acts_ isn't quite the same… her personality is kind of similar to mine sometimes, but she also gets into some fights that I would never do. Those magazines say that she's feuding with Lindsay Lohan and Avril Levine… _that's_ not like me. I _like_ Avril Levine… her music, anyway… haven't actually met her. And I've seen some of Lindsay's movies and liked them too… _The Parent Trap_ was one of my favorites back when it came out. Gordo said he preferred the classic 1961 version with Hayley Mills, but he always seems to like all that weird old stuff. Right now I can really relate to the whole 'having a twin sister I've never met' thing."

They were back out in the mall, with Lizzie still not sure what was going on, and Kendra not sure what to make of the girl she still thought was Hilary Duff, but who seemed to have gone insane or something. Then, Lizzie spotted some of the kids that had crowded around her earlier; they were headed down the mall towards her, and she thought they were likely to see her soon and start mobbing her again.

"Hey… can you help me get away from those people before they see me?", asked Lizzie.

"Sure," replied Kendra. "I used to work in this mall, and I know all the back corridors."

They ducked into a service corridor, and out the exit. The parking lot looked just as unfamiliar to Lizzie as the inside of the mall. It was laid out all different, and Lizzie doubted that she'd find her car there. It was a very distinctive-looking car; her dad had given her his old car when she got her license, and it still bore the colorful paint job applied by Matt in his "artist" phase. Sam bought a new car then (fortunately, he had just gotten a big raise at work) and ordered Matt to "Don't even _think_ about painting this one!" All Matt was thinking about, however, was what sort of car _he_ would get when he got his own license, but Sam and Jo were glad there were still a few years before they'd have to tackle _that_ one. Anyway, it seemed unlikely that the car was parked where Lizzie left it, particularly since that spot didn't even exist; she thought it was probably right about where a palm tree was planted now.

"I'm not really sure where I want to go now, but I want to get away from here!", said Lizzie.

"How about coming over to my place?", said Kendra. "My mom is out of town and I have the house to myself. We can order pizza!"

"Yeah, OK…", replied Lizzie, not all that happy with going anywhere with a strange girl who still might be a stalker, but not thinking of any other good options.

They got into Kendra's car (a 1997 Toyota Corolla) and headed away from the mall. None of the streets or houses looked familiar to Lizzie. They seemed to be heading in the general direction of Lizzie's house, or at least what _would_ have been the right direction if the mall were still the one she was familiar with, but none of the neighborhoods looked like they were supposed to. The whole town didn't even seem anything like Hillridge. But it was strange… the natural features, like the mountains in the distance, looked the same as they did in the places that Lizzie was familiar with. It was just the manmade stuff, like buildings and roads, that were changed. So just _where_ was she?

"I think I'm starting to figure out what's happening," said Lizzie. "I hope you don't think this sounds too weird, but I think I'm in a different world. It's like in a book I read once, where some kids found an old wardrobe and went through it, finding themselves in a strange place that had talking animals, and a witch, and stuff. I must have gone through some kind of gateway, and I'm not in the real world any more."

"That's crazy," said Kendra, "_this_ is the real world! There aren't any talking animals here… well, except for parrots. And I don't _think_ there are witches, except on Halloween. Well, the Wiccans _call_ themselves witches, but they're not like the ones in books and stuff."

"You _would_ think that your world is the real one; _everybody_ does. Now, I wish that I was paying more attention when Larry Tudgeman was lecturing me all about that sort of thing! He's a kind of nerdy guy I go to school with…"

"Yes, I know who Larry Tudgeman is… I've seen all the episodes lots of times, including the one where you went on a date with him!"

"Ummm… right… OK, I did date him once, and even enjoyed it, but the two of us just _weren't_ meant for one another. But one day Miranda and Gordo were both sick… some kind of bug going around the school… and Kate and Ethan were dating… they've been on again, off again through high school… and I didn't want to get in their way by asking to sit next to them at lunch. So I ended up sitting with Tudgeman. _Big_ mistake, or so I thought… he just wouldn't stop talking, and about all the _weirdest_ stuff! I thought _Gordo_ liked to talk about strange things, but he has nothing on Larry! First, he was going on about _comic books_. Like, I stopped reading those things around sixth grade, but he was all about the 'Pre-Crisis DC Universe', whatever that is. He said that there was 'Earth One' and 'Earth Two', different versions of the world where, like, somebody could be a real person on Earth Two but just be a fictional comic book character on Earth One… or was it the other way around? Then he _really_ got strange… he started talking about quantum physics, and the Heisen-something principle, and about experiments with cats that are both living and dead at the same time – PETA needs to protest those quantum physicist guys if they're doing such cruel things to animals – and chaos theory and the Butterfly Effect… well, that one I at least know, it was a movie with Ashton Kutcher… it's so nice to be old enough to go to R-rated movies, finally. Anyway, I'm sure he would know more about parallel worlds and stuff like that."

"My brother's into sci-fi," said Kendra, "but he just left for college. Maybe we can look at some of his books."

They arrived at Kendra's house, a suburban house not that different from Lizzie's. They went up to her room, which had a Hilary Duff poster and a _Lizzie McGuire_ calendar, which Lizzie found weird, though she was starting to get used to it.

"Hey, it's almost time for your show to come up on the _Disney Channel_! Let's watch it!"

Kendra turned on the TV, and they watched the show. It was the episode where Lizzie took up rhythmic gymnastics.

"OK," said Lizzie, "it's weird that they've got a show on TV that's all about me, but I wish they would at least get the details _right_… they made several mistakes! Kate's last name is 'Sanders', not 'Saunders', and my school was 'Hillridge', not 'North Hills'. But even worse, the gymnastic routine I really did was _nothing_ like what they showed on TV; the way they showed it broke lots of rhythmic gymnastics rules, like using music with words instead of instrumental music. The judges would _never_ have named me the winner if I did it _that_ way! I may think that sport is dorky, but when I was doing it, I did it _right_!"

"So," said Kendra, "is there anything you _liked_ about the show?"

"Well, the theme song is kind of catchy."

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	3. Calling All SciFi Geeks!

**DISCLAIMER**: I don't own _Lizzie McGuire_ or any related characters or concepts. I'm also not the absolute dictator of the world, but if I was, then, boy, there's a lot of stuff I'd change.

Just then, the phone rang. Kendra picked it up, and said, "Oh, hi, Brad! How's college working out?" Turning to Lizzie, she said, "That's my brother Brad. We get along great, not like you and Matt." Going back to the phone, she said "Who am I talking to? Oh, it's a girl I met at the mall. Very interesting character. I think maybe she'd like to talk to you; she's got some questions that I think it would take a real sci-fi geek to answer."

'…Yes, I _know_ that _serious_ science fiction fans prefer to call it 'SF', but I still like the sound of 'sci-fi'. No, I didn't know that a 'geek' was really a carnival freak who bites the heads off chickens… but I still think the word applies to you. In a kind and loving sense, of course. Here, let me turn on the speakerphone so we can all talk. This girl's got some deep questions about alternate realities and stuff." She turned on the speaker.

"OK, are you there, mysterious other girl?", said Brad through the speakerphone.

"Hi, Brad. I'm Lizzie."

"Your last name isn't McGuire, by any chance?", said Brad.

"How did you know that?", asked Lizzie.

"Well, Kendra is totally _obsessed_ with that silly show, so it figures she'd get somebody to come over and pretend to be that ditzy teen in it. But you _do_ sound a lot like her, anyway. So, how are things at Hillcrest High?"

"That's _Hillridge_," said Lizzie. "And my problem is that Hillridge High School, and the whole town it's in, and all my friends and family, don't exist. They're all fictional characters on a TV show. And I'm _not_ ditzy!"

"If you're a fictional character, ditzy or not, then what are you doing talking to us here?"

"Because I'm not from this world. I've somehow been transported from the _real_ world where I exist, to this _fake_ one where I'm just a fictional character. Actually, I'm real and all of you are fake, but none of my _real_ friends are around to help me, so I need to ask for help from _fake_ people like you instead! Clear?"

"You really do find the space cases, Kendra. OK, Lizzie, or whatever your real name is, your problem is one that lots of philosophers, and college freshmen, and computer nerds, have been discussing and debating for all of recorded history. Just what is real and what is artificial, and how can you tell if the world you're in is the real world or just a very good simulation? There was some discussion of that just recently on Slashdot…"

"Slash-_what_?", asked Lizzie.

"Hey, is that a slash fanfic site?", asked Kendra. "I didn't think you got into that stuff."

"I don't think I even _want_ to know what 'slash fanfic' is… but, anyway, Slashdot is the leading computer 'techie' news and commentary site. There's lots of talk there about Linux distros, Perl programming, open-source projects…"

"…and lots of other stuff _normal_ people don't know or care about…", said Kendra.

"… and about how Microsoft is evil and how AOL has unleashed a parade of marching morons to spoil the Internet…"

"Hey, _I _use AOL!", interjected Kendra.

"Case in point. But anyway, sometimes people get more philosophical. A little while back, they were talking about online multiplayer game systems, and how the fictional worlds in them were constantly getting more sophisticated, more complex, more 'real'. There are even people spending real-world money buying fictional objects within those games! And, while some of the characters you interact with while you're in one of those 'worlds' are avatars of other real-life human players, many of them are just artificially-intelligent fake characters, just there for the 'real' players to run into. Actually, they're not really _that_ intelligent yet, artificially or otherwise… neither are most of the real humans who play those sorts of games, but I won't get into that… but technology is getting better all the time. In a few more years, they'll be able to make AI characters that really think like a human being, and put them in artificial worlds that look, to the characters in them, just like the real world except where the author of the game decides to make it different for some reason. So, a guy on Slashdot wondered, how do _we_ know that the world we're in is actually the real world? Maybe it's just a computer simulation running in another world just a few years more advanced than ours. Then, soon afterward, I got the new issue of _Analog Science Fiction and Fact_, and it had a "Probability Zero" story making the same exact point. That story also noted that the number of fictional characters that have ever been created probably outnumbers the number of real humans, so purely by probabilities, the chances are that you and I are actually fictional!"

"Umm… oh, OK…", said Lizzie. "But is there any simple test anybody can do in order to find out whether the world they're in is real or fake?"

"The guy on Slashdot thought the best thing to do would be to try to go to places where the creator of the artificial world didn't expect you to go, where all the details might not have been filled in as well as they are in the more popular places; maybe you can find some 'seams' in the universe. After all, creating worlds is hard work; there are a lot of fine details that have to be devised and made to be completely internally consistent. Authors get lazy, and put most of their work into the more visible parts of their fictional universes, leaving a seamy underbelly. If you can get down there, maybe you can prove that the world is fake."

"But if I _do_ prove the world is fake, how do I get out of it and back into my own _real_ world?", said Lizzie.

"Well, _that_ world's probably fake, too, but anyway, your best hope would be if you could somehow get the program that's creating this reality to crash, that might put you into the operating system where you can do things not available to normal characters within the world. Maybe, if the program has a few bugs, it's possible to crash it by doing weird things that weren't anticipated by the programmer, and that overflow a buffer or send a variable out of range. Maybe _that_ would let you escape this world."

"All right… I suppose it's worth a try…", said Lizzie, hesitantly.

"…or, it might just kill everybody in the universe," finished Brad.

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	4. What Else is On?

**DISCLAIMER**: I don't own _Lizzie McGuire_ or any related characters or concepts, and I'm _glad_ I don't, or fans might blame _me_ for the fact that there are no new episodes coming out, while haters would of course blame me for unleashing the series in the first place… I'd never win.

That stuff about killing everybody in the universe got Lizzie a bit concerned, but Brad didn't seem to take it all that seriously; soon afterward, he had turned the conversation to a matter that some might consider to have lesser importance (though not _everybody_ would agree) – that is, of course, the speculation about just who is the Half-Blood Prince. All three people – Brad, Kendra, and Lizzie – had theories and opinions on the subject.

"It's _got_ to be Seamus Finnigan," said Lizzie. "Remember, his mom's a witch and his dad's a Muggle… and he's always doing klutzy things, which I can sure sympathize with!"

"That's just in the _movie_… in the _books_, he doesn't have as much of a role, or as much klutziness," said Brad. "_I'm_ going to go with Justin Finch-Fletchley. Before he went to Hogwarts, he was accepted at Eton, a school where members of the British royal family attend. That fits the 'prince' label."

None of the others even remembered who Justin Finch-Fletchley was, and Kendra gave her opinion that the Prince would turn out to be a new character not seen before. Soon, they ended the phone conversation, and Lizzie, who had been glad to take her mind away from her troubles for a short time, was now brooding about the prospects of never finding her way back to her home, her family… or Miranda and Gordo. Especially Gordo, now that their relationship seemed finally to be going beyond friends. But would she ever see him again, except on TV? Now Lizzie was getting depressed.

Kendra ordered pizza (from Pete's, the place Lizzie had talked to earlier because it had the phone number that was Miranda's in Lizzie's world), and, while they waited for it to arrive, she showed Lizzie her _Lizzie McGuire_ book collection. Skimming through the books, Lizzie made a steady stream of comments like, "_That_ never happened!" "Something _like_ this happened, but it was all different!"_ "_I did _not_ act this crazy every time I saw Ethan… or did I?"

Over pizza (sausage and pepperoni; Lizzie hadn't stuck to being a vegetarian), Kendra had a suggestion for Lizzie. "You're trying to find an out-of-the-way place where, if this world is really artificial, the creator might not have bothered to finish all the details, so you can find 'seams' in the world. I think I know a place like that, and I'll take you there in the morning. But now, unless you have somewhere else to stay, you can sleep over in Brad's bed."

Not having any other ideas, Lizzie agreed to this. It was still early in the evening, so they spent some time looking on the Internet. Lizzie did some editing to the entry for _Lizzie McGuire_ on Wikipedia (this was a site that let anybody change things on it; Brad had shown Kendra how to do it, and she taught Lizzie in turn), but found that most of her changes were reverted a few minutes later by other users as being of questionable accuracy and not of a neutral point of view.

They also played the DVD of _Revenge of the Nerds_, in which Lizzie was surprised to find that one of the nerds looked just like her dad. Then they turned back to the _Disney Channel_ and watched _That's So Raven_. Lizzie remarked, "I still can't believe _my_ life is a Disney show in your world, just like _Raven_ and _Even Stevens_. But I bet they cut out all the good parts; I don't think I'm _always_ Disney-wholesome 24/7. The thing is, though, some of the characters on those shows are really one-dimensional, like the teacher on _Raven_ who spits when he talks, or the student who stinks. They're basically just one joke, repeated over and over. Am _I _shallow like that?"

Kendra assured Lizzie that she wasn't shallow, either on TV or in real life, and was somewhat curious about what less-than-Disney-suitable things Lizzie might have in her life, but Lizzie wasn't telling.

Eventually, Lizzie went to bed, but had a lot of trouble sleeping. It seemed like she'd barely managed to fall asleep when Kendra came into the room and woke her up, saying, "Good morning… let's have breakfast, and then I'll lead you off the edge of the world!"

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	5. Journey to the Center of the Earth

**DISCLAIMER**: I don't own _Lizzie McGuire_ or any related characters or concepts, which means that I don't have to worry about whether I'm targeting the right demographics with any stories I write about them, or any of that marketing junk.

Lizzie and Kendra had a nice breakfast of pancakes and sausages, which they cooked together in Kendra's kitchen. Then Kendra led Lizzie outside. Before they left the house, Kendra took a flashlight, to Lizzie's confusion because it was broad daylight. They went into the backyard, and down a narrow path that led into the woods behind the row of houses on her street. The path wound around for quite a long way, through a surprisingly-large undeveloped wooded area right in the middle of a densely-settled suburb. Eventually, where the path ran parallel to a cliff, they saw a large storm pipe emerging from the base of the cliff, blocked by a heavy iron grate.

"There," said Kendra. "That pipe slopes downward, and keeps going as far as anybody can see. Maybe it goes to the center of the Earth. Anyway, nobody ever tries to go into there, so if there's any place that's so out of the way that the world is unfinished there, that might just be one of those places."

"So you want _me_ to go in there? Ewwww… that's disgusting! It smells funny!", said Lizzie.

"You want to try to get back to your own world, don't you?", asked Kendra. "Come on… it won't kill you… I don't _think_, anyway."

"That doesn't exactly inspire me to great confidence," said Lizzie.

"Well, at least try going a little way into there," said Kendra.

"How am I supposed to do that? It's blocked by a heavy metal grate!", said Lizzie.

"Well, move the grate first! You beat Ethan in arm wrestling; it should be easy for you! Here, let me help." They both grabbed the grate, and with a lot of effort eventually pulled it loose.

With a lot of trepidation, Lizzie and Kendra crawled into the pipe, which went in a straight line in a shallow downward slope. The metal edges were bumpy enough so they kept a good grip and didn't slip down uncontrollably, and there hadn't been much rain lately so the pipe was dry. The pipe was wide enough for both of them to proceed side by side, but not quite tall enough for them to stand up. For the first 100 feet, there was enough daylight to light their way, but after that it started to look darker and Kendra turned on the flashlight. Eventually there was a slight bend which cut off all view of daylight, but the pipe kept on going, always at a downward slope. They kept going for hours, until they figured they must be at least a mile from where they started, and hundreds of feet underground.

Well after they started to wonder whether there actually was any end to the pipe, they finally reached the end, where it led into an enormous cavern which stretched too far to see the other end in the light of the flashlight. Looking around, Lizzie thought she could see something glowing with multicolored light out in the middle of the cave. The two girls walked out into the cavern (which was tall enough for them to stand up) towards the light. Reaching it, Kendra exclaimed, "That's an easter egg!"

"But it's nowhere _near_ Easter!", objected Lizzie.

However, the object _did_ resemble a multicolored egg, giving off a fluorescent glow, up on a stone pedestal in the center of the cave. A mist had descended on the cave, and now the girls couldn't see more than a few feet in any direction even with the flashlight.

"My brother says that, when programmers hide secret features in video games and other programs, they call them 'Easter Eggs'," said Kendra. "If you find them, you can access parts of the program that aren't advertised to the public, or discover inside information that's been hidden. Maybe we've just found _this_ world's programming 'Easter Egg', assuming the theory of our universe being a big computer program is true!"

"So what do we do now?", asked Lizzie.

"Try touching the egg… if you dare!", said Kendra.

Lizzie timidly walked up to the pedestal, and with great trepidation, reached out and touched the egg. It glowed more brightly, and Lizzie heard what sounded like a series of gongs playing in the distance, in what she thought was the tune to the theme song of the _Lizzie_ TV show she had watched the previous day. Then a girl emerged from the mist, who looked very familiar. In fact, she looked just like Lizzie herself.

The new girl greeted Lizzie: "Hi, Lizzie! I'm Lizzie!"

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	6. Crisis of Infinite Lizzies

**DISCLAIMER**: I don't own _Lizzie McGuire_… _any_ version of her. And I don't own any other copyrighted or trademarked properties that might happen to be mentioned here.

On seeing her double, Lizzie responded with a resigned sigh, having gotten somewhat used to weird things, including doubles of herself, turning up. "OK… I was hoping for the Easter Bunny, but you'll have to do. So, are you that 'Hilary' person who plays me on TV?"

"No," replied the other Lizzie. "I'm one of the Alternate Lizzies. In particular, I'm 'High School Lizzie', from the ABC prime-time series that aired in _some_ versions of reality, featuring my continuing adventures after the end of the _Disney Channel_ run. And I'm not here alone… I've got a few friends from still _other_ realities. Let's meet them!"

Somebody else stepped out of the mist, and she wasn't even a normal human; she looked like an animated cartoon character. Lizzie thought she looked something like the "Toon Lizzie" on the TV show, but she appeared to have been drawn in a somewhat more realistic manner.

"Hi, Lizzie and Lizzie… I'm 'Animated Lizzie', from the Saturday morning cartoon version of _Lizzie McGuire_ that aired in some realities. And I'm not the only other Lizzie here…"

A thirty-something woman still looking something like Lizzie appeared. "Hi, Lizzies… I'm 'Adult Lizzie'. I'm going to star in the _Wonderful World of Disney_ TV movie, _A Very Lizzie Reunion_, to air in some realities on Saturday, May 9, 2026, at 8 PM, 7 Central. Check your local listings; some realities may vary. In _some_ worlds, they'll air _Brady Bunch: The Next Generation_ instead. Marcia's great-granddaughter is a real cutie!"

"Ummm… is that _all_ of you now?", asked the "original" Lizzie.

"Hardly!", replied Adult Lizzie. "There's _also_ the 'Unseen and Unheard Lizzie' who doesn't appear in the spinoff series, _Stevie Sanchez_, in some realities."

"I don't see or hear anyone," said Original Lizzie.

"Well, that's the _idea_, isn't it?", said Adult Lizzie.

"But who's Stevie Sanchez?", said Original Lizzie.

"Miranda's 12-year-old sister, four years younger than Miranda," said Adult Lizzie.

"But Miranda's sister is 4 years old, 12 years younger than Miranda, and she's not even named Stevie! Miranda used to babysit her!", said Original Lizzie.

"That's true in _your_ reality, but haven't you learned by now that everything is relative?", said Adult Lizzie.

"All right, all right… Now, other than the ones you can't see or hear, who might as well not exist at all, are there any _more_ of me showing up?", said Original Lizzie.

"We haven't even _started_ on the FanFic Lizzies yet!", said Adult Lizzie.

The mist cleared, and even in the dim light of the flashlight and the glowing egg, Lizzie could see that she was now surrounded by a whole army of other Lizzies, big and small, fat and thin, in all sorts of outfits. They started rapidly introducing themselves.

"I'm in preschool!", said a toddler Lizzie.

"I'm in grade school! Kate's my bestest friend!", said a slightly older one.

Others chimed in: "I'm in middle school!" "I'm in high school!" "I'm in college!" "I'm in law school!" "I'm in medical school!"

"I'm in Hogwarts!", said a robe-clad Lizzie in Gryffindor colors, who pulled out her wand and said, "Lumos!", after which the cave was much better illuminated, and even more Lizzies could be seen in all directions.

More Lizzies spoke: "I'm dating Gordo!" "I'm engaged to Ethan!" "I'm married to Larry Tudgeman!" "I divorced Ethan to marry Gordo!" "I'm in a domestic partnership with Miranda!"

"Oh, come _on_…", said Original Lizzie. "Why would _any_ author think I'm of _that_ orientation? There's absolutely _no_ evidence for it in the canon. Ummm… did I just say something about 'canon'? A minute ago I would have thought that was a big gun, but now I'm talking like a fanfic author. I think this place is starting to brainwash me!"

And more Lizzies kept speaking. "I became a Born Again Christian." "I converted to Judaism." "I'm a Scientologist." "I'm a fervent atheist." "I died in a tragic car crash!"

"OK, now, that's getting _totally_ ridiculous. If you died, how could you be talking to me now! You know what I think… _none_ of you really exist! You're all just figments of my imagination, and if I ignore you, you'll all just go away!" With that, Lizzie put her fingers in her ears, and started chanting, "Na na na na na… I can't hear you!"

Soon, she heard another voice, which came through despite her efforts to block it… and it didn't even sound like another Lizzie. "Hey, Lizzie!", it yelled.

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	7. No Escape From Reality

**DISCLAIMER**: I don't own _Lizzie McGuire_, but maybe in some alternate reality, I do.

"Hey, Lizzie, wake up! We need to go!"

Lizzie looked around, disoriented.

"Uhhh… Who…? Where am I…?"

As she gradually gained focus, she could hear another voice, which was narrating: "What if you found a portal to a parallel universe? What if you could slide into a thousand different worlds? Where it's the same year and you're the same person, but everything else is different? And what if you can't find your way home?"

"Then I'd go totally nuts, that's what!", replied Lizzie. With that, she concentrated on her surroundings, and realized that she was in her own room, with Miranda and Gordo around her. Miranda was the one who was yelling at her, and the other voice came from the TV set.

"Please don't… high school would be unbearable without you, though you'd make any insane asylum you got committed to a more interesting place," said Gordo.

"Gordo! Miranda! I thought I'd never see you again!", said Lizzie.

"That must have been a really wild dream you were having," said Miranda.

"We were in your room watching a _Sliders_ marathon on the Sci-Fi Channel, when you fell asleep. And you seemed to be doing a lot of squirming and muttering, like you were really worked up over something.", said Gordo.

"But now we've got to get to the mall to do our last-minute back-to-school shopping, so you've got to get yourself back to the real world.", said Miranda.

"The real world… I'm back? Yes, it really _was_ a wild dream… I was in some alternate reality where all of us were characters on a TV show."

"We were on TV? Who played me, Leonardo DiCaprio?", said Gordo.

"He'd be a little old for that, wouldn't he?", said Lizzie.

"OK, how about Ricky Ullman? He's Jewish, you know," said Gordo.

"No, it was some guy I'd never heard of, Adam something. And the girl who played me was a really big celebrity, who had lots of screaming teenage fans, though I hadn't heard of _her_ either. The fans mistook me for that celebrity."

"You can't _deal_ with lots of screaming fans… if you could, maybe you'd still be a model, or dating that 'Malcolm in the Middle' guy, or being a European pop star," said Miranda. "So I guess it's best that it was just a dream."

"I think you're right… being back in just plain reality is fine with me," said Lizzie.

"Now let's get to the mall… we need to get back before dark, remember, because they don't let you drive at night until you turn 17," said Miranda.

They went to the mall and did their shopping, without any portals to alternate realities opening up. Then, as they were on their way out, Miranda's cell phone rang.

"Hello…", answered Miranda. "Oh, hi, Mom. Yes, I think we can do it. Let me ask Lizzie."

"Is it OK if we stopped on the way back to pick up my sister from soccer practice?", asked Miranda.

"Sure…", said Lizzie. "But I didn't know she played soccer. Isn't she a little young for it? Do they let four-year-olds play in the local league?"

"What are you _talking_ about?", said Miranda. "Stevie is 12 years old, and she's been playing soccer for years. You know that."

**THE END**


End file.
